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The most important thing for a bullet to do is to STOP the threat. Fast and light weight bullets do not do that very well.

Stick with the "best ammo" as found on this site.

http://www.ar15.com/ammo/project/Self_Defense_Ammo_FAQ/index.htm
As of late, I have discovered what I believe at this time, to be the best self defense ammo for pistol calibers .380 - .45 acp. Lehigh Defense's line of ammo. Their Extreme Defender is impressive, and Controlled Fracturing, Maximum Expansion, and Extreme Penetration variations are all equally impressive to say the least. Both lehighdefense.com and underwood.com offer what I consider the best ammo created. Hope you give it a try, albeit, a very pricey load, but I believe you're worth it.
 

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When this topic comes up, I always make the recommendation of analyzing your home, and setting up a specific point in which to direct fire to minimize the risk to others. Look for a direction where bullets penetrating the outside wall won't hit the homes of your neighbors, and set up a defensive position at the opposite end of there. If everyone in the home sleeps upstairs, and there's nothing immediately outside make the stairway a tunnel of pain and death for any home intruders stupid enough to break in.

Trying to clear your home like a SWAT team is going to put you at a disadvantage. Wait for the threat to come for you, and give them a one gun salute when they enter your gun sights. Repeat as necessary.
I'm with you all the way on this strategy. I also have setup my home with self defense in mind. The intruder home invader is walking into an ambush he'll not recover from. When the soft music starts while I'm sleeping in the middle of the night, the intruder has breached a window or door and 'must' shoot one or both of my 125 lb. Shepherds. Then he dies.
 
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